Do you know a good joke which isn't here. A: At first they are both pretty crappy but in the long run they feel pretty good! He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. Absolutely hillarious doctor one-liners! “Where?” he asked. Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? Your daughter is using cocaine. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't. Q: What do you call a doctor that fixes websites? We also have jokes about doctors, hospitals and other funny jokes categories, so make sure to check them as well. A: Yes, but only if you aim it well enough. It had been a long time—seven years to be exact—since my friend Brian had been to see his doctor. Here's your $1000 back." See TOP 10 doctor one liners. It's important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." A: A God doesn't think he is an orthopedic surgeon. That will be $500." You've got your memory back. "Doc! The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. Q: What do you call 2 orthopedic doctors reading an EKG? Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. Soak your arm in warm water. Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. ", A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. A: By The taste. A: A URLologist He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Q: What happened when the man tried to search for information about impotence on the Internet? Joke has 77.33 % from 187 votes. Q: Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly? You got your vision back! They aren't yours. "No problem - a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!" Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Q: What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for? The largest collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world. Medical Jokes and Puns. "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house, An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. This is Gasoline!" ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." "Your tap water is too hard. New generic drug replacement for Viagra – it's called Mycoxaflopin. Dirty Jokes! Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!". Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”, John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. All sorted from the best by our visitors. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. Q: What do you call a student that got C's all the way through med school? An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! Avoid heavy lifting. I hung him there to dry. Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send a bill to her husband! The stranger says, "How about 20?" Warm Up Round: 5 Short and Funny Medical Jokes. “I was stung by a bee!” she said. Q: What is the difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon. 30 Extremely Dirty Jokes You’ll Want To Tell Your Best Friends (But Never Your Parents) 50 Of The Funniest ‘Dead Baby Jokes’ Of All Time. Sometimes you need a little humor to get you through the day. Get a lawyer. Clean Jokes! Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? he asks. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. You have tennis elbow. Pexels. ", A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. That will be $500." September 9, 2019 Updated November 4, 2020. BAD EATING HABITS A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." He told me to quit going to those places. A Collection of short, funny Doctor and Medicine-related jokes! by Team Scary Mommy. "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." A: A double blind study! A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. Can you please help me? When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. You've got your taste back. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! A: A Roverdose! Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. << See All of our Jokes Categories Here! The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" It will be better in two weeks." A: "Do you see any change in me?" Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." Dr. Young: "Aaagh! Read on these relatable funny medical jokes. A: So she wouldn't wake the sleeping pills! I don't need to write it down." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. The stranger says, "How about 10?" If you enjoyed this page, you may also like.

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